Hi and welcome to another fun quotes blog! Guys, let’s be real –
some days just don’t go as planned. You know those moments when everything seems to be going wrong,
and you’re just sitting there thinking, “Is this even real life?” 🙄
Between work stress, daily chaos, and those moments that make you go “Seriously?!
With everyone needing a good laugh these days we could all use some humor to keep things light in life
So I thought why not share some Funny quotes and sayings that have been my secret weapon during those not-so-favorable phases of life!
let’s get into them:
Sus Quotes Funny Short
1. My phone listens to my conversations and shows me ads… but when I actually need something, it pretends not to know.
2. That moment when your calculator asks you if 2+2 really equals 4… kinda sus.
3. My FBI agent watching me Google ‘how to make pasta’ for the 47th time: 🤨
4. Why does my cat stare at empty corners like she’s in a business meeting with ghosts?
5. Sus level: When your mom uses your full name but with a smiley face 😊
6. The way my dog acts perfectly behaved at the vet but chooses violence at home.
7. That sandwich was sus—too many layers to trust.
8. That moment when your pizza delivery arrives suspiciously fast and the box is warm but slightly tilted…
9. The way my laptop battery goes from 50% to 0% in 2.5 seconds… we need to talk
10. My mirror in the morning vs. my front camera when I’m trying to take a selfie: totally different people.
11. That moment when your phone autocorrects ‘lol’ to ‘LOL’ and now everyone thinks you’re yelling.
Short Best Friend Quotes Funny
1. Best friends don’t let you do stupid things… alone. They bring snacks and a camera.
2. My best friend’s superpower is remembering every embarrassing thing I’ve done since 5th grade and bringing it up at perfect moments.
3. Best friends: The only people who know how truly weird you are and still answer your calls.
4. Best friends don’t judge your questionable life choices. They help you make worse ones.
5. Our friendship is basically just: ‘Wanna get food?’ ‘I’m broke’ ‘Same. Let’s go.’
6. Best friends don’t need to schedule hangouts. They just text ‘I’m outside’ and expect you to be ready in 5 minutes.
7. When I say, ‘I’ll keep this secret,’ it just means I’ll only tell my best friend.
8. True friendship is having entire conversations using only GIFs and somehow understanding everything.
9. Best friends: The only people who will tell you if you have food in your teeth, after taking a picture first.
10. My best friend and I have a superpower—telepathically sharing side-eyes across the room.
Happy Friday Funny Quotes
1. Friday afternoon meetings are just group meditation sessions where everyone visualizes the weekend.
2. Friday 1 PM: Mentally, I’m already in my pajamas watching Netflix.
3. My productivity graph every Friday: 9 AM: ⬆️ 10 AM: ➡️ 11 AM: ↘️ 12 PM: 📉 2 PM: Dead flat
4. Friday afternoon meetings should be illegal. Actually, Friday afternoons should be illegal. Actually, just make Friday a holiday.
5. Friday…our relationship is finally official.
6. Alexa, play ‘Working for the Weekend.’
7. Friday afternoon at work is just professional pretending.
8. Friday at work is like the last mile of a marathon, except instead of water stations there’s coffee and procrastination.
9. Friday vibes: Leaving work like I just got released on parole
10. Dear Friday, I know we see each other every week, but I still get butterflies.
11. My Friday motivation is powered by: 20% Coffee 30% Determination 50% Pure spite.
Famous Funny Quotes
1. Steve Martin: “A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.”
2. “Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won’t expect it back.” – Oscar Wilde
3. Mindy Kaling: “There is no sunrise so beautiful that it is worth waking me up to see it.”
4. Bill Murray: “The best way to teach your kids about taxes is by eating 30% of their ice cream.”
5. Amy Poehler: “I want to be around people that dream big and support me in my dreams.”
6. Stephen Colbert: “Life is like skiing. Just like skiing, the goal is to get to the bottom, but you have to resist the urge to curl up into a ball and roll there.”
7. Dorothy Parker: “If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to.”
8. Dave Chappelle: “Everything is funny until it happens to you.”
9. Nora Ephron: “When your children are teenagers, it’s important to have a dog so that someone in the house is happy to see you.”
10. Lucille Ball: “The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age.”
11. I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.” – W.C. Fields
Inspirational Funny Quotes
1. Dream big, but first, coffee. Lots of coffee.
2. Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss, you’ll land among the stars—and probably have a decent story to tell about it.
3. The elevator to success is broken. Take the stairs… and bring snacks.
4. Life gives you lemons? Make lemonade. Then sell it and fund your next big idea.
5. Don’t stop until you’re proud. Or at least until you can laugh about how hard it was.
6. Be yourself. Everyone else is already taken and probably just as confused as you are.
7. Believe you can, and you’re halfway there. The other half is convincing your anxiety to take a nap.
8. Follow your dreams, but have a GPS and some snacks. Dreams are long, and you’ll get hungry.
9. Motivation is like a shower – you need it daily, and sometimes it’s uncomfortably cold.
10. Success is falling nine times and getting up ten… or just looking really good while falling.
Very Short Funny Quotes
1. My bank account is on a diet: it’s getting thinner every day.
2. Adulting: Where ‘fine’ is a complete sentence.
3. My bed and I have a special relationship. I don’t leave, it doesn’t judge.
4. My life is a series of awkward dance moves.
5. Confidence level: Fake it till you make it.
6. I’m not arguing, I’m just explaining why I’m right.
7. Introvert’s social battery: Charged for 5 minutes, then permanently on low.
8. Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.” – Jim Carrey
9. If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of payments.” – Earl Wilson
10. My wallet is like an onion. Opening it makes me cry.
11. My life feels like a test I didn’t study for.
Witty Quotes
1. Sarcasm: my body’s natural defense against stupid.
2. I put the ‘pro’ in procrastination.
3. Reality is an illusion created by a lack of coffee.
4. My patience is like a smartphone battery: drains quickly and needs constant recharging.
5. Why do we press harder on the remote when we know the batteries are dead?
6. I don’t need a hairstylist; my pillow gives me a new style every morning.
7. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
8. Common sense is like deodorant. The people who need it most never use it.
9. Some people graduate with honors; I am just honored to graduate.
10. Normal is just a setting on a washing machine.
Witty Sarcastic Comments
1. You can’t have everything… where would you put it?
2. Oh, I’m sorry. Did my sarcasm hurt your feelings? I was aiming for your ego.
3. Sure, I’ll stop procrastinating… tomorrow.
4. I’d agree with you, but then we’d both be wrong.
5. I’m visualizing duct tape over your mouth.
6. Brilliance is clearly not your spiritual animal.
7. You bring everyone so much joy… when you leave the room.
8. I’m not ignoring you; I’m just giving you time to realize you’re wrong.
9. My favorite exercise is walking away from people who annoy me.
10. Yes, I’m free tonight. Free to stay home and avoid people.
Final thoughts on funny quotes and saying
I hope these quotes brought a smile to your face and helped you see the lighter side of life’s crazy moments
sometimes all we can do is laugh. And trust me, laughter is way cheaper than therapy! there you go with another joke guys!!!😂
And yeah, before you leave I also want to share other cool stuff on my website you will definitely like them:
1. 150+ short powerful two word quotes.
2. Out of my pun collection: 100+ basketball puns one liners.
3. 100+ Funny puns for birthdays.
4. 80+ short thanksgiving quotes.
Don’t forget to check out these fun collections. Stay funny, stay positive, and keep laughing!
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